1. Every season has its struggles. I think the temptation for me in this time is to either exaggerate the struggles I have or to totally discount them. Neither approach is healthy however. The fact is, this is a time that can be difficult. I shouldn't discount my nights of loneliness or the discouragement of a potential relationship abruptly ending. No, these feelings are real and they are okay. The fact is that every season of our lives will have special exceptions and hardships. For us young singles, this is a time to sift through how we personally handle disappointment for the first time. For the older singles, its a time to readjust expectations, because in reality many things in life never come when or how we expect.
2. Be the person now that you want to be. I think there are unvocalized expectations that we will be, act, live, the way we want when we're finally married. There are many things I've seen in other people that I've admired and told myself "I'd like to be like that when I'm married" and yet I fail to cultivate these qualities now. This past year I've identified and grown in areas of hospitality, managing my finances, living with close friends, pursuing qualities of generosity, listening, drawing people out, patience, mentally challenging myself, trying new things etc.
3. Pray. I know this sounds so cliche for those of us who are followers of Jesus, but I mean it. I pray for my future husband, that until we meet, God would bring him through trials and lessons that will prepare him to be the best man for me. And I pray the same for myself - until the day I say "I do" God would bring valleys and mountains in my life that grow me and mold me to be the best person I can be for him. I've stopped making a "list" of expectations, and instead petitioned God about the desires of my heart and, knowing that he has already shaped my future, I'm able to trust him in every step and with every encounter. I've surrendered my life, including my single and married years to Him so its up to him to do with it what he wants. I'm so excited to be able to share with you one day about the marvelous story of two lives aligned with Christ ended up entwined together. Man, what a joyous day that will be for me!
4. Get to know yourself. Take yourself of dates. Take the time that would be going out with that person to read the book you've been wanting to or finish that project in your apartment you've been putting aside. Take the time and make something out of it. I am such an extrovert but over the past few years of living on my own, I have loved getting to know me, what I like and don't like, and to love going to the beach or river park at sunset by myself to calm my soul. I've learned to enjoy and seek solitude, to be comfortable with my own thoughts and silence. This didn't happen overnight, this has been growth over several years. Go take yourself to see that new movie that you've been dying to see!
5. Learn to love people best. Love your family on a new level. Strengthen those ties and establish a deeper tie. Because I only have me to worry about, its allowed me to focus on those around me and pursue and invest in old and new relationships. I have been able to use my independence to invest in my family and friends, to serve in my church and local community, to give my time and love to others without having to run my every (sometimes crazy) decision with anyone else.
6. Stick to your guns. You say you need a some time away from romantic relationships? Then don't go on tinder. You truly want to learn how to get to know yourself? Then go out and do something you've always wanted to try. You want to stay away from certain guys? Don't message them back. If you make a plan or commitment, follow through. I know too many girls that say they need time to grow as a person and in their relationship with God but jump in with the next boy that gives them attention. It makes me sad, because I see them betraying their own self by not sticking by what they committed to and there is so much strength in being able to trust your own word.
7. Pursue Jesus like you would a significant other. Okay, I know this sounds super weird and you can go ahead a judge me all you like, but hear me out. But I promise if you try it, you'll find something's different. Now, I'm definitely not the "Jesus-is-your-boyfriend" type person (I hate when people say that), but as a follower of Jesus, I've grown in my understanding that this isn't about a list of rules that some ancient teacher set up, its about a relationship with a living person, Jesus. So if I treated Jesus as intentionally and lovingly as I would a significant other, what would it look like? Am I keeping in touch with him every day, finding out what's on his agenda, letting his love and his plans for me intwine with my life? Am I setting aside time to spend just the two of us, to learn more about him, to love him better? Am I allowing myself to open up and let him care and love me best? Am I turning to him in my hurt and need instead of closing up and trying to do everything in my own will power? It changes everything, once I look at it like that. Maybe it will for you too.
8. Embrace the unknown. Easier said than done, Bekah. I know. But isn't facing an unknown future the test of our faith? It ties back to surrender and prayer. My belief that God is in control in this arena has grown not only but watching his faithfulness in my life, but also in conversation with others about how what God has done in their lives, and how he has soveriengly brought couples together.
Singleness is hard sometimes, I know. Making dinner for one can get lonely (but I always throw on some jazz music; it makes everything better). Helping your best friend get engaged or watching a couple cuddle on the couch next to you can pierce a sore spot, but its not an all consuming season. Singleness and the independence that it brings can be a BLAST!! Take the time to think about where you're at. Are you viewing this time as important and purposeful? Friends, this is hard but man oh man it can be so FUN! Cling to the good and fight through the bad. After all, I've found a relationship isn't the end goal for me, Jesus is. I hope you realize that too.
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