Valentines Day: The Day of Disappointment?

I was sitting in bed this Monday night, pondering the next week in my head, when I realized that Valentine's Day was just two days away!  I reflected on how this was the first year that this holiday isn't hard for me, not because of any particular person or situation change, but because the relationship hole that stung in the past I hadn't given thought to in months. I began praying that God would allow me to have one conversation with someone who needed to be encouraged in this season of singleness.  My thoughts began to swirl, and then the Holy Spirit started speaking to my heart.

Let me ask you, why does singleness sting so hard around Valentine's Day? Is it because the person who was in your life last year isn't in your life this year? Is it because this is the third, fifth, or tenth year in a row you've been alone and you're just plain tired of it? Is it because the last time you went on a date was over six months ago and you already feel undesirable? Is it because your closest friends who you used to go out with are now celebrating the holiday with their significant others?

Man, the sting of disappointment. The ache of loneliness. The stab of loss. The crush of feeling undesired. Can we just all agree that sometimes being single around Valentines day can be really, really hard? Say it with me - YES.

Okay, now that we agree that this holiday can be challenging, why is it so? I personally believe that at some point in our lives we were disappointed. I know for me, its the realization that my childhood dreams haven't come to life yet. Its the awareness that the sweet words from ladies at church in high school haven't come true. Its having to give the same empty updates for my relatives phone call after phone call. Its the knowledge that years of praying haven't been visibly answered yet.  Our expectations of love, dating, and marriage, whether formed by our culture or experiences, can disappoint us.

Disappointment, defined by Merrium-Webster, is the state of being defeated in expectation or hope. Wow. It is the state (residing in a emotional or mental place) of defeat (being taken down, overcome) in our expectations or hopes!!

So, my friends, if disappointment stems from our expectations or hopes, don't you think we should take a look at what we hope in? What we expect?

For me, I've come to realize that every love story looks different. Every person finds love at a different age, in a different circumstance, and even for those who find it, it can still be a very challenging journey. I've come to expect that with love and commitment comes challenges and testing the limits of yourself and love. I've come to expect that love doesn't have a formula and that there is no amount of self-improvement or self-change that will change the cards I'm dealt. I've come to expect to be surprised. I expect waiting.  I expect loneliness. I expect painful comments from well-meaning people. I expect doubt and confusion. I expect reality looks different than dreams. BUT, I don't dwell on these hard expectations, neither should you. This is called perspective, its being realistic and adapting to your environment or change in circumstances. The champion of change and perspective, however, is HOPE.

I expect Jesus to be present, I hope for his divine design of relationship. I expect Jesus to author the story, I hope in his Spirit to guide me in every step.  I expect Jesus to do mighty things,  I hope for his gift of certain things I desire to be manifest. You see, I HOPE not in people, not in circumstance, but in Jesus, the author of love and life.

We're always going to have difficult situations in life - trauma, disease, abandonment, helplessness, abuse, despair, fear, disappointment, you name it. But if we are aware and expecting difficulty, hoping in the person of Jesus to be not only present and active, but redemptive and strengthening, the disappointing situations turn into opportunity and engagement.

Instead of being people defeated by our expectations and hopes, lets be people strengthened by them. This Valentine's Day, what expectations and hopes are causing your disappointment? What perspective shifts would bring purpose and joy in this season?

Life is good friends, life is good. Hard, but good. Let's be present and hope in Lord.

 Isaiah 40:31 "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint."